THE MONEY roles WE INHERIT
Most of us don’t grow up being taught how money works. We’re rarely shown how decisions are made or how plans come together. In many families, money is either quietly managed in the background or not talked about at all. But even when money isn’t discussed, we’re still learning.
Every family has a money story, sometimes spoken, often unspoken. We absorb it through behaviour rather than conversation. Who worried. Who spent. Who saved. Who stepped in to “sort things out” when things felt uncertain? Over time, those patterns start to feel normal, and without realising it, we often step into a role ourselves.
- The fixer
- The saver
- The spender
- The avoider
Not because we consciously chose them, but because they made sense within the family we grew up in.
These money roles can quietly follow us into adulthood, shaping how we feel about spending, saving, planning, and even talking about money with the people closest to us. They also help explain why money conversations can feel more emotional than practical, especially in relationships, families, or during big life changes.
If this resonates, it often links closely to the emotions many of us carry around money, fear, guilt, and even shame. These feelings don’t appear out of nowhere; they’re often rooted in the family money stories and roles we learned early on. The important thing to say upfront is this: none of these roles are wrong. Each one has strengths. Each one brings something valuable. Problems tend to arise not because of the role itself, but when one role carries all the responsibility, all the pressure, or goes unspoken for too long.
The Fixer
The role
The Fixer is the one who steps in. They take responsibility, bring order to uncertainty, and make sure things don’t fall apart.
Where it often comes from
Fixers frequently grow up in families where money felt uncertain, uneven, or quietly stressful. They may have noticed that someone needed to “hold things together” even if that was never openly acknowledged.
The strengths
Uncertainty is usually stressful. Having a clear plan, even a simple one, removes a lot of the unknowns. You know what you’re working towards, and you know what each pound is doing for you.
- Brings calm when things feel uncertain
- Likes clarity and having a plan
- Dependable and trusted
The challenges
- Carries pressure quietly
- Finds it hard to ask for help
- Can feel responsible for everyone’s outcomes
Fixers are often seen as “good with money”, but that doesn’t mean it feels light.
The Saver
The role
The Saver values security and stability. Saving feels like a reassuring way to create safety.
Where it often comes from
Savers often grow up in households where money felt tight, unpredictable, or something to be careful with. Even without overt struggle, they may have absorbed the message that being prepared matters.
The strengths
- Creates resilience
- Thinks long-term
- Provides a sense of safety
The challenges
- Can be labelled as “tight” or overly cautious
- May struggle to enjoy spending without guilt
- Often feels misunderstood
Saving is rarely about control, it’s usually about protection.
The Spender (or “Live for Today”)
The role
The Spender values experiences, enjoyment, and living in the present.
Where it often comes from
Spenders may grow up in families where money felt uncertain, or where enjoyment was prioritised whenever possible. Sometimes it’s a response to seeing stress, choosing joy instead.
The strengths
- Brings balance and lightness
- Encourages experiences and memories
- Stops life from being permanently deferred
The challenges
- Can feel restricted by structure or planning
- May avoid financial detail
- Often feels judged or criticised
Spenders aren’t careless; they simply value money differently.
The Avoider
The role
The Avoider finds money emotionally heavy and often puts decisions off.
Where it often comes from
Avoiders frequently grow up in families where money was a source of stress, conflict, or silence. Avoidance becomes a way to cope.
The strengths
- Avoids knee-jerk decisions
- Often deeply caring, just overwhelmed
The challenges
- Anxiety builds when things are ignored
- Decisions get delayed
- Shame can quietly creep in
Avoidance is usually about fear, not indifference.
Why this matters
Most of us are a blend of these roles, and they can change as life changes. Money roles become problematic not because they exist, but when:
- one role carries all the pressure
- conversations stay unspoken
- or people feel misunderstood rather than supported
Understanding your role and where it came from isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness. And awareness is often the first step towards creating balance, better conversations, and a healthier relationship with money.
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